I have no moneys..







...It makes me stressed.

Kristin says she's going to make me a doctor's appointment tomorrow.

My chest pains have been persistent for almost 5 days. Breathing deeply is out of the question. And I haven't had my period in almost 6 months.

I looked online and my symptoms say either some kind of tumor or infertility.

Both cases, if that be what it is, I will cry. and Cry alot.



Money is being difficult. I owe my brother 360.00 in rent. and roughly 500.00 in credit card bills. And then I have a whore of a sister demanding that I pay her twenty a week for fostering Chino, the cat.



I feel hopeless. Completely.

Went to lied today.

I'm happy to say that they had no cadavers for me to practice on. :)

I'm baby sitting Blake and Baylee--my niece and nephew. Both of them, especially Blake are doing terrible in school. And it's just fucking grade school. It's ridiculous. I didn't think grade school was terribly difficult, but.. apparently it is?


Bah. I'm tired, and I can't get my desktop to turn on..so I can't go upstairs because I'll end up punching it, which I already have.. XD Whoops




Bollocks.. I don't wanna work tomorrow. *insert poutiness here*

It was very hard to keep tears at bay today in class. Something the teacher said had me think about the last few days/months with David. I cried all over again in the car like it had just happened. I tell myself repeatedly that he was just a dog, and I feel so stupid for crying after almost year. No matter how many times I say it, it just doesn't seem to get any easier. Saying his name, typing it, thinking.. it all crashes back again. Every memory and especially the last memories.

Seeing recycling bins at my mom's house shouldn't make me cry. Dave liked to catch bees in his mouth and spit them out so he could stomp on them. I usually spent all spring and summer pulling stingers out of his mouth and feet.


I wish I treated him better. I really, really do.




Elliot has started crying out and flinching again, more than he used to. I went to give him a hug and he completely tensed up, which he hasn't done for months now. And yesterday Chris flung his hand up to hit him when Elliot wouldn't go away. He really likes people to pet him. I'm hoping Chris isn't actually hitting him when I'm at work. I don't think Elliot would just back slide for no reason. Something has to be going on right? :(




I'm taking Teagan and Charlee to camp.. I think I will regret this.

One of my cornsnakes, Kassidy, seems to like techno music.
Everytime I play it remotely loud she's the only one that comes out and stares at me, wiggling on the glass. I dare say it's adorable.


I knew she was my favorite for a reason. :)



I want the new dj Tiesto album really badly. It's outstanding.
He is by far my favorite dj.




Kristin got mad at me I think. A spider ran across my arm and it thoroughly freaked me out. I just don't think she understands. When you've seen a brown recluse bite's effects, there is sure as hell a good reason to be scared of spiders.

my tummy hurts.

and teagan has been rather food aggressive as of late.
which is indeed quite a dilema. he's been slapped a couple of times for it.
the bastard.

i like not putting any capitals. it's rather refreshing.


i think, i thiiink... i should prolly be in bed. but i dun wannaa..

i've put in for november 11th through the 15th off at work and it should be squared away as far as school goes. i just have to remind the teacher when the days get closer.

and then i'll finally be able to let david's ashes go... almost a year later and i finally get to do this.


december fourth. december fourth. beware beware december fourth.

I start Veterinary Assistant classes monday-- IF I have passed my CPR and math.

Which hopefully I did. :\

BUT! There's a potluck tomorrow at school. So.. YAY FREE FOOD!! *dance*

Oh, and I rescued a cat and I need to find him a home. :(

His name is Chino and he's a big fat tabby with green eyes about 5 to 6 years old.

So, MARY! COME VISIT ME AND GET A FREE LAZY KITTY!!!! YAAAAY!!!

I've been busy trying to memorize medical terminology.

It's kind of like trying to learn a foreign language in three days.
I have a test on them tomorrow and I have to take Kena, the rescued snake to the vet and see about treatment for her. Blargh blargh. I'm certain she has a respiratory infection.

And I have limited money since work cut down my hours drastically so paying vet pills, rent and whatever bill decides to come tomorrow will be difficult.


Thus! I am job hunting. And I figure I will ask my vet tomorrow if there are any openings, like kennel work. Or something.


I really want to paint and I should finish a couple paintings.. unfortunately inspiration is lacking.


entero means small intestine
cardio means heart
rrhage means excessive flow




My tummy hurts.

I'm at school, and I have positively nothing to do.


I finished my research on hiv/aids, and I finished my reflection on second grade, and the only thing left is to write a 500 word essay on what I learned in Study Skills. \


Which really, can be traced back to grade school when I learned all about Study Skills.

Woop woop for pointless classes. <3

Orientation is tomorrow..

I'm just a bit nervous.


I went to Florida, to see my brother. He received his Masters in medicine, and he's no going for his doctorate in engineering.


It really was sobering, in a way, that here I am, working at Petsmart, trying to get into PIMA to become a vet tech. and he's changing people's lives already. It made me think alot, and currently I want to push my education further. It doesn't help that the same brother and my mother and the other family members seem to push me down. Whether it is without their knowledge or not. The chime of "It's alot of work" "Have to have top grades" "Vet school is hard".. it isn't really the best way to built me up. If anything it shrinks my determination, and confidence.

It is sad.

I stumbled upon something I wrote in late May when I was all kinds of depressed and trying to deal with things I was waayy not prepared to deal with and I actually really like it! Sure, some punctuation is not exact but! Alas, it's good all the same to me! :)

It moves me, I give thanks to the Hours as part of my inspiration.



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I am probably unjustifiable fond of this.

I came across a little book of national parks and I've marked ten places I want to visit.

Which means I'm going to need money, or something.. but!


Places I want to see!!

1. Great Basin (Nevada)
2. Mesa Verde (Colorado)
3. Petrified Forest (Arizona)
4. Sequoia & Kings Canyon (California)
5. Yosemite (California)
6. Grand Teton (Wyoming)
7. Yellow Stone (Wyoming,Idaho,Montana)
8. Crater Lake (Oregon)
9. Mt. Rainier (Washington)
10. Olympic (Washington)


Now, I just need to see Kristin more often! :(
Soo.. maybe, just maybe! Kristin and I can go to some of these places after I graduate or.. something.


Damn.



Drug classes end in the beginning of August.
I go to Florida for Jon's graduation August 7th to the 10th.
And then on the 13th I go to a mandatory orientation for PIMA.
And then I start school on the 17th!
So, I will then go to school Monday through Friday, 8-12p. and then work evenings. :/

I really hope I'm not making a mistake with that school.


My punctuations are all off. Whoops.

Well, I called pima.


aaand.

I am 'offically' starting my courses August 17th.
It'd be a rather large understatement if I were to say I was just excited.
I almost screamed when I heard it.



I want to celebrate. I want to go out to dinner!!.. but Kristin doesn't get home until nine..


Maybe lunch tomorrow? Yes. That sounds brilliant.

I had my pima interview.

I have to come in with my vaccine records and my college transcripts. Soo... I guess I'll know everything then? :\


I'm not feeling too wonderful about it currently, but we'll see. :(

Other news, I had an amazing turkey and provolone bagel. Delicious!! <3

And Teagan has diarrhea, but I think I'm getting it under control. and the puppy I'm watching, Charlee, just developed diarrhea! yaaay shit everywhere!! >:(

Ugh. I feel like a fatty. I think I need to work out, or something.

Sooo.. I'd just like to quietly mention a lil' bit of excitement in my life!...




I GET SIMS 3 DELIVERED TO MY DOOR IN TWO MOTHERFUCKING DAYYYYYS!!!!!!!!!!!HOMFG!!!!!

I gave my dogs rawhides..

It's actually going pretty well! No bloodshed yet!! <3

I was arrested and put in jail yesterday morning..
I dissapointed my whole family, and Kristin, and a friend once she reads this..

I am never talking to Levi again..






I feel like, right now, the only ones who'd care what I do to myself are my parents..
Kristin doesn't care.. not at all.

I want to do it, but I'm too scared. I'm always too scared..


I went to walmart, looking to buy a gun.. and I walked out with a razor that's useless.. because I'm too afraid to use it.
I've been staying alive for everyone for years..what point is there when I can't stand living, even just for myself..?

Happy birthday Mary!! YAY BIG TWENTY!!! Don't go crazy! <33333

I bought a glass pipe. It's really pretty-- with blue and white swirls all over it.

Supposedly it turned different colours when you use it. I'm supposed to give it a test run at some point. I named it Phinneas! Or just Phinn for short. <3


I wonder how Kristin will take this news...?